Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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