Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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