Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
