btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
