SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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