hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
