Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
