And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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