and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
