ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
