Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
