Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
