I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My hand turned me down
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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