Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
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We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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