i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
