You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
