Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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