Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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