Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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