He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
