we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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