I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
