using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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