Having a random hookup so left but love u
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
