i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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