Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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