The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
