I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize