12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
