Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
