I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
