you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize