Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
