i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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