so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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