oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i dont even know how to be here
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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