I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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