***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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