He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
