I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize