ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
