I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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