My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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