As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
