We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
