you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
