Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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