you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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