I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
