There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
