I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
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No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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