I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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