Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
false alarm. still invincible.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
