sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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