i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
