I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
