WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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