He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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