Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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