THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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