She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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