Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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