Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
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I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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