im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
