I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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